I am blank of Borg

I am Blanked of Borg.... like, there I was minding my own business, and a Klingon warrior came out of nowhere and blanked me with his gnarly looking implant.

I am Desperate of Borg.... and where was this?  Do you think I'd be lucky enough to get blanked if I stood there and waited for him?

I am Babysitter of Borg.... ya know, that Poindexter kids has one almighty implant and can assimilate non-stop from when his folks go to work at 7.00am until they get home again at 6.00pm.

I am Maid of Borg.... ooh ah, my battery powered implant with ever replenishing lithium doesn't last that long, so tomorrow it's my turn.

I am Constantly [horny] Gardener of Borg... well you two little hussies are both out of luck, for tomorrow he and I will be erecting a fence pole or two, among other things.

I am Head Coach of Borg.... you can join if, Master Bator of Borg... if you adapt better to being a team player.  Now bend over, Sunshine, and take one for from the team.

I am starkers of Borg.... that is one awesomely serious implant UbbaBubba of Borg has there, and how the hell did he manage to tie a knot in it?

I am DOM {Dirty Old Man} of Borg.... if'n I was to chase you around the cabbage patch each day, Gurly Girl of Borg, would you be so kind as to let me catch you at least once a week for assimilation and the exchange of boiled cabbage juice?

I am Gurly Girl of Borg... I am So glad you said cabbage juice.  When I told Poindexter of Borg that I had a yeast infection in my assimilation dock, he said that cucumber juice was a good remedy, unbeknown to me that his intention all the time was to insert his own cucumber instead.

I am Con The Fruiterer of Borg.... what's all this about, cucumbers and assimilation docks??   I dunno what the younger generation is coming to!  Back in my day we used to lube up the old implant with a bit of Castrol GTX and assimilate all day.... now all these younguns gotta rely on battery powered devices to make it through....

I am Doctor Strangegloves of Borg... where did you find those used tongue depressors, Corporeal Ditmus Litmouse of Borg?  They're mine!!!  I have an obsessive compulsive bodily fluids fetish and I keep used tongue depressors, used cheek swabs, urine specimens and assimilation juices.

I am Corporeal Ditmus Litmouse of Borg... we found them in the back alley behind the Poshboys Gay Club.  Looks like them Young Guttersnipes were using them to try and break into the club and rectum... I mean, wrecked them.  Looks like they were using them as lockpicks and um.... Anyhow, by the time we got there, most of the tongue depressors were snapped off in locks or were covered in browny substances that our forensics department is now studying.

I am Police Chief of Borg... if your forensics department finds my DNA on any of those tongue depressors, Corporeal Ditmus Litmouse of Borg, have the evidence destroyed immediately.  As police chief I cannot afford to be associated with that gay club... YOU HEAR!!!!

I am Chronicle Reporter of Borg.... and do I have a scoop for you, Mr. Chief Editor of Borg...

I am starkers of Borg... put my rare form down to hitting my funny bone on the edge of the examination table when I went to the doctor for an implant check up.

I am Doctor Implantus of Borg... I am sorry to inform you, starkers of Borg, that while I can fix the flaccidity with these little blue pills, I cannot fix the bit that's bent. So to save you the trouble, you'll have to put it in double, and instead of coming you'll went.

I am Implants R' Us of Borg.... and do I have a deal for you, starkers of Borg.  For this week only, we have fully functional reconditioned implants going at 40% off.  Reconditioned implants, I hear you say, but have no worries, all our reconditioned implants have been tested in real time and have been sterilised for consumer protection.

I am Implant Tester of Borg... it's a dirty, thankless job... but somebody's gotta do it.

I am Pharmacist of Borg... let me assure you, Knots Farm Implant Reconditioner of Borg, the generic brands are just as good as the name brands and in some cases better.  For example, I took a sky blue pink pill with purple white stripes and it lasted all week.

I am Really Really Old Fart of Borg... and I haven't had an implant arousal in 40 years, so I'm wondering, Pharmacist of Borg, if you could prescribe me some of those sky blue ping pills with purple white stripes.

I am Mrs. Really Really Old Fart of Borg.... now if'n ya goes givin' that silly old bugger any of them there implant arousal pills, I'm a comin' after ya with ma shotgun, ya hear?

I am Holey Moley of Borg.... yeah, that Mrs. Really Really Old Fart is a mean un'   I only complimented her one having really nice, firm breasts for an 80 year old and she unleashed both barrels on me.

I am Redneck Dude of Borg.... yup, mah Granny has a mean ol' temper n' that thar gun is an extenshun of her arm cos she dun goes nowhars without it

I am Toadboy of Borg... touch my implant and I'll give you warts.

I am Barfly of Borg... ya know, an almighty fight is about to start here any minute.  Three times I said to the barkeep: "Quick, quick, gimme a beer before the fight starts."   Well now he's coming for the money... and I'm about to tell him I have none.

I am Highly Embarrassing of Borg.... and I'm not a shape shifter or anything, but when plied with enough alcohol I turn into a proper tool.

I am Completely Sozzled of Borg.... honestly occifer, you can't arrest me for public drunkenness.  I'm not as think as you drunk I am