thnaks for all the good advice people, and to FlameBurn for coming back and being helpful 
So, you guys were right (as it seemed you would be). I'm sure it CAN be done, but I didnt do it right. I wasn't lying before; I was about 1.5hrs into a game, with 4-5 planets, and 5 cap ships. I was playing 2v2v2v2 on a map with 3 stars and maybe 60 planets. I had already taken 2 neighboring planets controlled by my nearest enemy away from "him", with relative ease. I then moved up to take the third, and thats where the trouble started. He had a starbase, and a cap ship and some frigates, and i got decimated. I pretty much put the game aside as that point. Sure, i DID give up early, and I probably could have strung it out a while longer, but it seemed like at that point my expansion was already halted, and that I was going to need to turtle to get a more powerful fleet to keep going.
Problem is, while I turtle (actually, I wouldn't be turtling; I would be if I was building up star bases and shoreing up defences, but what I would acutally be doing is just trying to build more caps), my enemies would be building up too, AND expanding, and probably would begin to counter attack.
So, I put that game on hold and started the map over; this time, with a different (and probably familiar to many of you) strategy: cariers. I asked about carriers here:
https://forums.sinsofasolarempire.com/342456
Then, from what I read, I started as Vasari (since their SC's are suppposedly the best), and built up only transporters with assailants for support, and just 2 caps: the "egg", and the carrier. Now THIS fleet was good. For military upgrades, I could focus on ONLY ones that would benefit the transporters and assailants (missles, shields, hull, etc). I used this to expand, and as I got bigger, I built a bigger and bigger fleet. I then started adding caps. I'm about 6-7hrs in, and I own an entire star system, which holds 80% of the planets. I also have 4 fully upgraded starbases guarding the star, which is the only entry into my system. At this point I pretty much have the game on complete lockdown, since I'm generating MASSIVE resources and have a fleet consisting of all 16 caps, enough carriers to produce 186 SC (!!!!), and about 20 or so assailants to boot. Oh, almost all my caps are fully leveled up as well, because of all the massive amounts of killing I've done (so far I am the only one to wipe out a player). It seems that the vasari are pretty awesome, as long as you stay agressive and keep expanding so you can pay the higher costs for ships.
Now, I was playing this with all opponents on "normal" difficulty, so it was porbably easier than I'm used to. So, now that I've got the biggest star system on lock down, I've switched the difficulty to "impossible" on the 3 remaining opponents and changed them all to defensive players; I'm hoping that this will give me a nice challenge for mopping up these 3 remaining players at the other two solar sytems.
PS - sorry if you guys didnt really want to read all about my game. I got home at 10pm last night, played the all cap ship game a bit, then started over, and played the new one until 8am... DAMN this game is SOOOOOO addicting.
So yeah, caps are fun, but you really need support of some kind to keep them alive. On the other hand, a fleet of mostly carriers with some missle guys is great fun, and then you can add caps at will. It was truly fun to watch 150+ SC come swooping in to decimate anything in their path, while my caps flew arounds and killed at will.
Thanks for all the advice!!!