Me: Everything is temporary. It makes me feel sad.
Imaginary friend: But you know that nothing is temporary. Everything is eternal.
I know that, but I don't feel it.
What do you mean?
Well, I understand that our spirits are eternal, and that our intelligences are eternal...
Yes...
But I have a hard time grasping that anything else is eternal. Possessions. Family. Friends. All I've ever known are temporary forms of these things. And it makes me feel...so...lost and unanchored. Even people who say they care...leave, or really don't seem to care as much as I need them to, or they can't be everything to me because I have a knack for pushing people away.
Ahhh, I see...
Yeah...
Well, first you mentioned possessions. While it's true that nothing can be created or destroyed; everything on earth today has always existed in one form or another. Things get broken down, things change. But elements never die, as far as science can figure. Your personal possessions have always existed in one form or another (i.e. any plastic items you have were once petroleum, and before that they were something else). These things temporarily belong to you as tools to get you through life. However many possessions you amass or however much importance you place on them is your choice. But they are temporary. They are tools.
That's a clear way to look at it. I tend to agree. So it bothers me that people place so much importance on possessions. Over the course of my lifetime I've had some really great stuff, but I've moved more than 20 times, so things get lost, damaged, stolen, or thrown away. I miss my thousand dollar bed that my brother borrowed and threw away. I miss my childhood toys. I've gotten tired of buying things that are only temporary, so now it looks like I've got nothing to show for the experiences I've had in my life. So now whenever I contemplate buying something, I feel overwhelmed with guilt. I tell myself, "Do you really need this? It will not last. Money would serve you better if it was saved," So I hold off on buying something, let's say Rubbermaid storage bins to store out-of-season clothes. So expensive. So I held off buying it. Wouldn't you think that would save us money? Well, it didn't. I ended up buying a stack of books the next day. .....I'm going on a tangent here, I'm sorry...
It's OK. You need to talk. I'm listening.....Books were a better choice than the Rubbermaid bins, so I think you did all right there.
You think so? Yeah, I guess if I would have bought the bins and the books, that would have hurt us a lot. I hope John doesn't get mad about the books. They're good ones though. I bought:
No One Can Take Your Place by Sheri L. Dew ;
Eve and the Mortal Journey: Finding Wholeness, Happiness, and Strength by Beverly Campbell ; and
Better Than You Think You Are by Ardeth G. Kapp.
And John is really nice, so I think he'll support my purchase.
All right, so we've established that your possessions are temporary, and when you're on a budget as you seem to be, possessions should be chosen carefully as tools to get you through life.
Right.
Now, you said that it's hard for you to understand that family and friends are eternal, because they always seem to run off. Even though people seem to come and go, you know that these relationships really are eternal, right?
Well, I know it in my mind...but in my heart I really have just stopped caring for people. It hurts so much when I invest so much into a relationship, only to be ignored or abandoned, or to move and have to start all over again. So how can relationships be eternal when they're so hard to nurture? People just run around and forget about each other. Does anyone truly care about anyone else? I gave up a long time ago. No one has time or patience to cultivate a meaningful relationship. Even my family is completely fragmented.
Angela, when it comes to your family, maybe it's your duty and your privilege to be strong, to get through this, and do their temple work so that you can be an eternal family.
Hmmm....I think about that sometimes and it makes me cry. Satan likes to keep me out of the temple, I'm sure of it, so that I don't get their temple work done. I don't even know if I *get* the temple. I'm not ready to go back, it's been six years.
You can work on that, Angela. How about at least submitting names. You can start there.
I've thought about that too. I really ought to do that. I can submit both of my grandpas' names, and my dad's...But my dad's temple work concerns me. What about suicide? I loved my dad so much, and if there is anyone I'd love to be with in the eternities, it's him. Without the drugs and alcohol and insecurities, he was the sweetest most loving person I've ever known. People who commit suicide can't be with others in the spirit world, right?
It's up to God to make the judgments, we just need to do the temple work for everyone...and in your case especially for your father, who you love so much.
