?Send me an Envoy!???

I'm not familiar enough with the rep to tell you exactly, but somewhere around 4-5, after you get a ceasefire, it becomes an option in the missions you can offer. I don't think there's actually any specific research required to an Envoy instead of a Destroy Ship quest.

well, I couldn't get the cease fire even with 7 or higher (maybe even 9)!  I had a trade pact and gave them lots of stuff, and did their missions and put an envoy in their system, which they were want to attack!  I researched everything that would take away different faction penalties.  Maybe that only works for other "races".  who knows?

they didn't like me, but I "liked" them. 

In that case the easiest thing to do is bribe them. You get a lot of bonus for relatively little resources. Its actually much harder when they like you but you don't like them.

You need to check what both sides of the relationship feel in that situation by checking how your empire feels about them in the diplomacy tree. 

I bribe the heck out of them and got them to 9!!  but no go.

Going to start over, just in case there's a misunderstanding on one of our ends...

• Step zero: Play a game with multiple players and without locked teams.
• Step one: Get 4.5 reputation with a faction so you can offer a ceasefire. Unless it's 1v1 at that point, they should accept.
• Step two: Make sure you have the research to offer quests to other parties.
• Step three: Go to offer a quest. In a the mission window, you should be able to toggle the types of quests (Destroy civ structures, destroy ships, ect). Do so until you find one that says "Send envoy."
• Step four: Send the Envoy quest.
• Step five: Destroy their faction in a rage because the AI never sends you an envoy, despite offering the mission half a dozen times.
• Step six: Repeat steps 1-5 with another faction.

If this -still- doesn't work, well... I have no idea, as I'm apparently retarded, and will tag out with someone that knows more.

step one: check

step two: check (even higher like to 9) giving gold, metal & crystal

step three is the issue.  I see those types of missions to offer EXCEPT "send envoy"

Messed around with some autosaves... The second I hit 4.50 rep, I offered a ceasefire. Immediately after, I could do the Envoy quest. My standing with them was ~8, so not really that high. I don't see anything special in the diplomacy tree that could affect it. I have a trade alliance, but I think all that'd does is help raise my reputation level.

Is it really early in your game? I'm about two and a half hours in. I don't know how the AI works, is it possible the AI doesn't know how to make an envoy yet? That seems unlikely, though, I admit, if I can offer the quest this soon.

Frankly, I'm at a loss. Unless something dumb is going on, I don't know what the issue could be.

EXACTLY, getting them to like you is easy but how do I get myself to like them?

Also check your faction modifier, even though you're both TEC you get a -5.0 modifier for opposite faction.

Give them missions, and ask for envoys. Usually when I start buddying up with an AI they send out an envoy to every single one of my planets when I ask them to send an envoy, so I'm not sure what's going on with the rest of you.

The AI doesn't always accept the mission in my experience, it'll just keep timing out.

You can figure our who they're fighting and then give them kill ships missions. It's an easy way to build your rep with them.

Research the diplomacy relation modifier techs and give them easy missions that they'd end up completing anyway. Also get the trade pact, both of your relations will slowly go up over time due to trade. But the biggest thing that influences it is how much damage they are inflicting on your enemies. If they are blowing stuff of your enemies up while not attacking you, you'll eventually get a ceasefire and be able to send envoys. If they are just sitting there or attacking you, it may not be possible to get a ceasefire.

I don't see a problem with it either. I sent the envoy mission to an AI and it took him a while but he got it done (he was on the far side of the system though), unfortunately he was squashed squashed by a harder AI so it was for naught.