Well carebear07 and Capt. Cornbread I now join your private club of these lists so here's mine:
1. Find out why people I know are writing these lists
2. Find out why people I know are suddenly obsessed with llamas
3. Write a novel
4. Publish a novel.
5. Make lots of money really easily.
6. Spend said money really easily.
7. Climb Everest and not die.
8. Dive in the Pacific Ocean and not die.
9. Not die while I’m under 70, at least.
10.Paint a hippopotamus in several different colors.
11.Work in a zoo.
12. Parachute into work.
13. Take parachuting lessons.
14. Take landing lessons.
15. Defeat 50 ninjas with my bare hands and a Q-tip
16. Punch a clown
17. Punch a hippie
18. Punch a prep
19. Go to Australia and breed llamas(why not?)
20. Learn telekinesis
21. Learn telepathy
22. Get a job reading tarot cards on tv and rake in cash
23. Own the world’s largest chicken egg producing business(don’t ask)
24. Find out what “REALLY” is inside of hotdogs and bologna
25. Write a slang dictionary with only words that I know.
26. Use dictionary in speech and tax forms.
27. Create a cartoon that even Comedy Central wouldn’t air.
28. Put said cartoon on Cartoon Network when no one’s looking
29. Make bail after being arrested for Cartoon scheme
29. Run for Freshman class president at age 30
30. Light a Disney character mascot on fire
31. Do not get arrested for above action
32. Say things to a cop on the “Don’t say This to a Cop” list.
33. Sue police station for abuse that is probably due from above action.
34. Rewrite the Law of Gravity for personal use.
35. Obtain a 500gal aquarium and populate it with goldfish.
36. Swim in 500gal aquarium with goldfish.
37. Remove goldfish from pants after swimming.
38. Keep snowballs from winter in freezer.
39. Throw snowballs kept in freezer at people in July.
40. Get a really good band camp story.
41. Dig moat around my house.
42. Fill moat with genetically engineered, venomous, super crocs.
43. Genetically engineer venomous super crocs.
44. Build a replication of the White House use K-3 graders.
45. Learn to fly
46. Learn to land.
47. Learn Japanese.
48. Forget Japanese.
49. Learn Japanese again.
50. Get the ultimate internet connection.
51. Speak Spanish while in France.
52. Say in Spanish while in France“Tengo caballo en mis pantalones”(I have a horse in my pants)
53. Throw a water balloon at a president while he is delivering an inaugural address.
54. Pray the Secret Service doesn’t kill me.
55. Buy a pet monkey.
56. Shave pet monkey.
57. Buy pet monkey clothes and name him Pedro.
58. Go to convenience store and tell people he’s my son and ask for a discount.
59. Take monkey to opera.
60. Watch monkey throw feces at singers.
61. Morn the loss of monkey after it is shot in the theater like Lincoln
62. Find my monkey’s assassin.
63. Kick my monkey’s assassin in the nuts.
64. Cremate dead monkey and drink ashes mixed in Mountain Dew.
65. Receive monkey’s powers after drinking ashes and grow prehensile tail.
66. Use prehensile tail to shoplift.
67. Own a tank.
68. Run over the person’s car I hate the most with tank.
69. *wink*
70. Dig underground layer and bomb shelter.
71. Invite well know friends into layer/bomb shelter and plot world domination
72. Serve milk and cookies during world domination conference.
73. Convert vegetarians back to omnivores.
74. Write over 1,000 articles on Joeuser and gain entry into the top 10 rated writers.
75. Find crashed meteor in yard.
76. Auction off meteor on ebay.
77. Knit my own clothes from wool still attached to sheep.
78. Buy Chinese firecrackers and put them in wedding cake.
79. Rig firecrackers to go off during cutting of cake.
80. Grab remains of cake and run away.
81. Become a stand-up comic.
82. Become a sit down comic.
83. Get a talking computer thing like Stephen Hawking.
84. Talk to people I don’t know with computer thing.
85. Duct tape hamsters to my ears.
86. Ask what people think of my new “ear rings”
87. Prove and disprove the existence of aliens in the same book.
88. Super glue lady’s wig on Dr. Phil’s head before taping of show.
89. Win on Fear Factor by eating everyone else’s portion of nasty food.
90. Make slurping noises while eating nasty food.
91. Gain entry on children’s show such as Barney.
92. Make sure show is live.
93. Swear constantly and demand to know where the host keeps the children.
94. Plant incriminating evidence on Barney set of child molestation.
95. Burn Teletubbies with acid before show.
96. Give kids nightmares with Teletubbies that are horribly acid burned.
97. Pretend I’m a voodoo priest and perform ritual when Jehovah’s witnesses are at my house.
98. Use chalk methods used by cavemen to draw my hand and animals on the wall.
99. Stay awake for an entire week.
100. Command army of copper and tungsten ants to take over dollar store.
*101* Post this list on Joeuser.com
