It's no fun without an audience!

Have you ever had the feeling you were being watched?  Have you ever had a decidedly unsexy experience while in the midst of…well…you know.  As a newlywed I remember hearing stories of how things change when you have children, especially in the bedroom.  I just didn’t understand.  Then.

I admit it, I was a bit of an exhibitionist growing up.  I always forgot to close the curtains in my bedroom at night or when I was changing.  I was in the band for many years and did theatre as well—I was used to changing clothes in front of others and not letting much show.  I figured if they wanted to look that badly, let them.  I was a tease and I enjoyed it!  I reveled in the nicknames I was anointed with (that’s another story).  I loved being watched.

Until…

We adopted…

Three little ones…

From the local shelter.

Okay, okay, a little misleading, but I did say voyeuristic cats.

I love cats.  I grew up with cats.  I was used to having cats sleep curled up next to me at night.  I expected to be followed when visiting the restroom.  I did not expect an audience in bed. 

Who would have thought they’d try to stay asleep on the bed when it was bouncing?  Let alone jump up on the headboard and lay down to watch.  Actually, I guess it wouldn’t be that bad if all they did was watch.  But no, like any other self-centered creature, they want to be involved!   Please do not make the mistake of brushing your foot up against their silky, soft, warm fur in the heat of passion.  Sharp teeth on toes does not (usually) equal pleasure!  Especially if the teeth belong to a cat instead of your lover. 

Our oldest is the worst, though.  She is a 14 pound shoulder cat.  Talk about co-dependent!  She just loves her mama.  She loves to lay down on my shoulder and purr (she goes all the way up to 11!), and lick my neck, and my shoulders, and my face whenever and wherever I happen to settle.  Somebody thinks that’s amusing.  I, however,

do not want to be in bed with one person and feel two tongues caressing my flesh.  To me, that spanks a little too much of bestiality, and while spanking may be very enjoyable, I would rather leave the four legged critters out of it!

I guess there is a positive side to the story, though.  It does allow me to indulge in a milder form of exhibitionism without the consequences of alternative experiences. 

They might meow a bit, but they can’t laugh at me.  And they haven’t figured out how to use the camera.

Yet…