TheSocietyInc

There are so many things that I have that I am thankful for in Art JoeUser Forums

I've sat around, making up stories in my head for so long. I sat around making them up until I believed that one day, it might happen, that I would turn around and the person I had lost would be there. Only I turned around, and it wasn’t her that I found. What I found was you, and God I'm so glad that it was. I think I could have spent forever hanging on that dream, clinging to that desperate hope, until it killed everything inside me. You have changed that dream, pulled away a past I would rath

There are other times that I close my eyes in Art JoeUser Forums

Sometimes I sit and just sing, or listen to some one with a sweet voice, and I lose myself for a little bit. I just let myself be wrapped up in a moment, breathe deeply, and take my time. The sky seems so beautiful that I want to touch it, the grass and earth smell so rich and warm I want to melt into them. There are other times that I close my eyes and it seems that the world rages within me. That there is no way to escape the bonds that limit me in my ability to reach out. I want to

Oh Darling It's So Sweet You think You Know How. in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

At the end of the day, when I lay me down to sleep, there is no peace, there is no rest. The world still swirls inside my head, and rips its way into the forefront. I scream into silence, shriek into outer space, where my voice is lost in the endless vacuum. Yet I'm still twisting in these sheets, and trapped deep inside the darkness of this cavern. The beast inside is loose, and that beast is me. I was always that hungry creature. I was always ready to tear the flesh, and ready to eat the world

How Can It Hurt So Much To Miss You in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

I find myself sitting outside, thinking about you as I watch my breath turn into steam in the cold, as I watch it fade away. I wonder if you're dreaming of me, if I could somehow touch your dreams, find my way to you in that realm of darkness and unreality, and send all these feelings to you. I think about the frost in my hair when I walked out the door this morning, wonder if you smiled when you stepped out into the brisk morning, enjoying the cold as usually do. I closed my eyes and imagined y

Wonder if what I see myself in Art JoeUser Forums

Sometimes I look back at myself, and I wonder if I was ever as good as I thought I was. I wonder if I was as innocent as I remember, or if it was all an illusion. I wonder if what I remember being is what other people saw me as. I wonder if what I see myself, as being is what people will remember me as. Some days I feel so used up, wrung out, already burned up and broken. I don't feel like I can give anything more, and then I dig down and find something else, one more tattered bit of s

I need you so much in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

Too much on my table... not sure if I can do this, put things in for the long haul and trust myself again. I used to think I could. I used to think that I could go weeks without seeing someone, that I was strong and independent, that I didn't need anyone, much less a lover, but I do though. I need you so much. I need you as desperately as a castaway needs land, as a starving man needs food and water. I crave your touch like the desert sands crave cool rains, and soft sandy beaches crave the ocea

A sidestep out of line to say... in Art JoeUser Forums

Thank you. The notes yesterday... getting those when I woke up this morning was really excellent. I needed to hear a lot of those things. So thank you, I deeply appreciate it.

I always thought I had a good grip in Art JoeUser Forums

I'm taking a step back, looking at things, and at myself. I've changed a lot, even in the last few months. Looking at myself before I came to Cornell, I would hardly know myself now. Yet, I feel like I know myself even more acutely than I did then. I always thought I had a good grip on who I was, what I am. I guess that in a lot of ways I did, but not to the extent that I thought. Then again, I don't think I will ever truly know myself as well as I think I do. We're all a mystery. It's

It Feels Like an Eternity in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

Even in a few minutes, hours, days, it feels like an eternity since I last saw you. Yet I can still feel your presence somewhere within me. Sometimes it is as if we never parted, and others, I feel like this distance is inescapable. I feel so torn, but I don't even know how to say these things. I don't even know where to begin. You are so close right now that I could just get into the car and see you. I could just climb into that vehicle, and drive down the road to be with you, to hold you, to c

I lied in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

I lied when I said that the first hour was always the worst. I lied when I said that it wasn't so bad to miss you, or that I thought we needed to be realistic about the world outside of us. I lied when I said that I had to go. I could have stayed. I could have dealt with the wrath of my family, and friends. I could have stayed, but I didn't. Because I always let myself be drawn back into the world. Because I'm not quite ready to let go of it yet. Even though I am. Even though I despera

It is my refusal to ruin a moment in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

All these words just find themselves locked behind my lips. I can't let them out, for fear of raking nails across all the softness that I love. I don't want to scar that smooth silk of your soul, I don't want to mar the beauty that lies there with all my bitter frustrations. I'm afraid of all the things that I know I could do just because I know that you'd let me. I'm afraid of all this pent up tension that runs across my mind, all the thoughts that poison me against happiness and patience.

These miniscule moments disappear too quickly in Art JoeUser Forums

I'm wandering through all these convoluted ideas and phrases. I'm trying to pick my way out of all these devastating passages that I've written and produced within my own head. I have created a maze in which even I cannot distinguish truth from illusion, and I have become so lost that my reflection will soon be approaching my shadow. Tiny trails of moonlight and shadow, of starlight and dust, filter through the leaves of conscious thought. Silence stifles all the wanderings of the mind

Things I want to do... in Art JoeUser Forums

I want to start drawing again. I used to draw, not well mind you, but I used to doodle for hours on end. I'd spend whole days locked in my room trying to recreate with pencil and colors the images that I desperately want to portray through words. I want to take up singing again. I used to sing in choir and I used to love to do it. I used to have such a nice range, and was able to belt out all my favorite tunes so they carried through the air. I used to be so full of song. I w

Anticipation in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

The moment of anticipation makes the world seem so much more dense than it really is. I want you here, in my arms, where I can feel your skin and remember what it is like to breathe in your sweet scent until my whole world becomes your smell, your taste, your kiss. I crave what seems like it has been gone from my hands for so long and I want only to rest my weary head against your chest until the sun rises. I want to listen to you breathe until it becomes the rhythm that seeps into my

I could kiss you until your lips were bruised in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

Teardrops are perfect as they roll heavily down cheeks expressing wonder, sorrow, and joy. The sunset tonight was perfect, and it made me think of the ocean, but most things do these days. The way the colors and clouds streaked the sky reminded me of brush strokes across a canvas, and it made me think of you, but most things do these days. The silence in my car as they road rushed beneath me called to mind all the paths that I've followed without thinking, and it made me wonder about those I mig

I am ready to redefine who I am one more time in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

Let out that breath I've been holding for a standing eternity, and the world just falls into place around me. The leaves are spiraling down from tree tops in fireworks sprays of red and yellow, like dancing flames curling through the air in an intricate tango of wind and wilderness. The world is moving in my head, just a few beats, a few moments, weeks, months, lifetimes ahead of reality. I've got the sound of laughter in my mind, and the scent of your skin on my clothes. I've got the gentle bur

Hoping that you'll come back in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

One more kiss for the road, one last touch of skin and lips and fingertips. I'm closing my eyes tonight and hoping that you'll come back quickly, come back safely, come back with your smile and your eyes. It won't seem like that long once you return to my arms, and it won't feel like forever when I breathe you in again. Until then the days will stretch into a silent eternity, and the nights will be full of the loneliness of empty arms. I'll miss you.

I can't take words back in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

I just watched you collapse in that moment, watched realization wash over you, contrition and apologies etch themselves across your face and wander past your lips. I heard my own words escaping from the Pandora's box within me, trying desperately to express something that should never have been uttered. I came crashing back to reality, to the sharp cold cutting clarity of emotion, of pain, and of mercy. Even then, it was still a far cry away, it came in waves, washing over me. It wasn'

Just a little more empty in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

Every now and then I want to believe that when you turn away your eyes, it doesn't hurt. I want to believe that when you won't answer my questions, it doesn't worry me. I'm treading in deep waters now, and I don't know how long I can stay afloat. I don't know how deep they are, don't know how long it will take for me to drown in them. I can't see the bottom in all of this, don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. This is all so new and so frightening, that despite familiarity, des

The worst part is being away in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

Sometimes I can hardly believe that you're real, with the way you look at me. Sometimes when I watch your eyes, watch the expressions that move across your face when you're talking, or thinking, or just watching me for no reason, I don't know what to do, to say, to think. I get lost inside that blue, inside a moment that I can't explain. Sometimes I just love to watch the way you move, listen to the way you talk when you're feeling the most relaxed, the most comfortable with me and with yourself

I feel like my heart might explode trying to encompass this in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

I feel like my heart might explode trying to encompass this feeling. Sigh, just watching her doze with her head rested against my shoulder was the most natural feeling in the world, it always will be, I think. I love to watch her sleep, love to talk to her while her eyes are closed and she can't hear me. Sometimes its easier to say things when I don't think she can hear or know what I'm saying, or even if she does she won't likely remember it. Silly isn't it? It's just that some things are so ha

My mind is all over the place in Art JoeUser Forums

Meh, just kind of feelin' blech at the moment, so this entry will not be of the usual kind. My mind is all over the place between thinking about how this summer is going to roll around and things... I dunno. It's just going to be crazy, and I don't know how I'm going to maintain a healthy balance of everything. It's just going to be rough, I don't know how else to put it, and the more I think about it the more I'm dreading it. I actually want to go back to school! Wah. So yeah... now that I've s

Nazura William in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

I believe that if I should die, and you were to walk near my grave, from the very depths of the earth I would hear your footsteps. You looked at me. That's all you had to do. For that quick second, that slight glimpse, you looked at me. I saw those eyes that have held me captivated for months, saw that small mouth that I longed to get to know better from that moment on. I think I even saw her in that instance. The real her. I know she thought I was no good when we s

Nazura William in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

I want to die while you love me, While yet you hold me fair, While laughter lies upon my lips, And lights are in my hair. I am writing in your bullshit pages because my doctor is crazier than I am. He thinks you're a therapy. He figures if I don't take a break it will handle me to the psycho world, what would I do with this. So stupid. He is so stupid ... he thinks he pulled me through the breakdown but its only Zura. Always ... only Nazura. I was looking through he

Elin Fung Li Ein in Personal Relationships JoeUser Forums

I realized she liked me a great deal. She started calling me a lot. A couple times a day. Sometimes more often. She was crowding me a lot. But I didn't tell her. I feel guilty about it. Is it a crime that she likes me more than I like her? Why did I have to feel guilty about it? Part of me is not open and honest. If I had been more of myself, you know - this is how I am, take it or leave it - I would be more comfortable. So, what happened that night? It wasn't a lie as much as a 'not tell'. It w